Suicide Note

The girl with the sad face wanders,

clouded and alone

Lost without hope or future,

she sacrificed herself just to feel alive

All that pain and hurt,

her heart wept behind closed doors.

Where did it all go wrong?

Why can't she live her life normal?

Everyone turned away from her

Except for the hatred in the mirror

The darkness stepped a little farther from the shadows,

in her smoky paranoid dream.

The faded cuts on her arms

bleed the pain she held within

"the monster wants out" she whispers,

dragging the razor deeper,

nerve-wracking shaking from the pills swallowed

the bottles fell to the floor.

She hated the person she'd become,

wild eyed and crazy once again

But this time she lay in her bed quiet,

and watched the world at the horizon of a new dream.

As Much As I Can Stand

Sometimes my soul forgets to fly
I lose track of who I am
Slave to the life I didn't want
Yet this world passes away
The closer you are to me
+
My pain, my past is trivial
Compared to your mountain
How can you carry that burden?
I plead for you to stop
Because the past still matters to me
Come rest your pain here
I want to share it all for a while
As much as I can stand
+
I listen to you
Becoming the person you wanted
which never was much
You want to live freely
Fuck your parents, all their abuse
These are things I want too
My ticket out of here just might be you
Give me everything you have
I'll piggyback your dreams --
+
When I lose track of who I am
Slave to the life I chose
Before you wrapped your arms around me
Circling my mind like the stars
I turn dizzy when this world slips away
+
My pain is trivial
Share your sad stories
Your suicide and your sorrow
Your life is too much to bear
I'm addicted to the pain
As much as I can stand
+
Your words slip through my fingers
Sneak a smile, a silent kiss in your sleep
My misery is the seductive kind
+
You're an angel sent from the grave
A short fix to pull me back in
I know that life is still waiting
But I've been here before
I'll soothe your anger
And wash my hands in your blood again
+
I said give me some of your pain
Feel it pumping into my veins
I must still be alive
Alive enough anyway
+
Your past haunts me too
Come rest your pain here
We're all failures in our youth
My heart dares to cry
As much as I can stand
+
I know I'm still shit
Hideous, stupid and ignored
I've heard your lovely phrases before
Heard your filthy promises
Tell me what I want to hear
This can only end in more pain
+
As much as I can stand
Until my tears fall like glass breaking
It's the only reason I can cry
When you turn your back on me
I'll take it all the way to the grave this time
I'm addicted to your pain